my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
