Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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