Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
