your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
