I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
