My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
