Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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