32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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