I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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