last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
