You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
