As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
