I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize