Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
