never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
