I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
