I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
