I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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