i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Damn victory sex feels great
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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