Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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