My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
