The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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