i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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