my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
