Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
