I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
