um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
