i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My orgasm happened in two different decades
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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