I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am available for nakedness
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
