they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
