Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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