and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
