Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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