Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
