Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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