True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
