I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
