So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
