im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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