You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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