I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
