We won't sleep together?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
