The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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