He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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