remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
