Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
