Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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