Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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