there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
where are my eyebrows?
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