You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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