Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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