I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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