She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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