Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
