my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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