I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
