his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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