Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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