I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
