I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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