hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
