Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize