Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
