Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
