anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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