I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
