Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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