Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
