Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize