I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
