i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
