Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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