I need help removing her.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
