i barfeds in our rink
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
