How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
