Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
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