ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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