just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
