I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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