I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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