So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
