I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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