I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
