i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
