omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
