Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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