Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
