Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
