Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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