You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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