You're completely useless in the revolution.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love you. Go after that dick
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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