May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
