I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
