Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
