We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
