I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
