Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
