hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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