That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
