oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
