NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize