a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
