I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
