According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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