Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
