The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
