someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
