I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
