The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
