just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
