she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
