I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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