That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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