I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
