No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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