I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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